Posted on by jparadisirn

It Will Be Good For All of Us

Chapter 77

Taking respite from these intense memories, I get up to refill my coffee mug. Through the kitchen window, I notice the tulip tree across the street is in bloom. Then, I notice my free hand resting at the base of my neck, the way it does when I’m at work, trying to figure out what to do next for my patient’s comfort.

I return to my armchair, and resume writing in my journal.

I remind myself that my parents were younger than I am now when Joel died. As a PICU nurse, I believe there are few fates, if any, worse than losing a child. Most parents I’ve encountered have told me they would do anything to take the place of their child in the hospital bed, and I’ve believed everyone of them.

For awhile, my parents were completely lost after Joel’s death, overwhelmed by their grief. I wasn’t allowed to go to his funeral, though I begged. Instead, I was left with a babysitter. I cried the whole time. My grandparents picked me up from the sitter’s house, and took me back home after everything was over.

In the weeks that followed, my father spent more and more time at work, earning overtime to help pay off the accumulated medical bills. My mother became a ghost of herself, spending much of her days in bed, barely speaking. My grandmother stayed with us another week after the funeral, getting groceries, making meals, and coaxing mom to eat. Before she left us, Grandma stocked our refrigerator, and made multiple casseroles which she froze for Dad to reheat when he came home from work. Often he was home late, however, so I made myself peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for dinner. When Dad realized this was happening, he showed me how to heat in the microwave small portions of the casseroles that he put out in the morning to thaw. I tried to get Mom to eat some too, like Grandma did, but she never would.

Grandma came to visit often. She and Mom had long talks in her bedroom with the door closed. I couldn’t hear what they said, but often I heard either Mom, or both of them, crying.

Grandma taught me to make my bed, and how to dust. I hoped Mom would see I was taking good care of us when Dad was at work, and it would help her get better.

I was in 4th grade when Mom and Dad announced I was going to have a baby brother or sister. They made sure I understood that another baby would never replace our Joel, who would live forever in our hearts, but they felt that it was time to grow our family with the addition of another child. “it’ll be good for all of us, don’t you think, Niki?”

I didn’t know what to think. I hoped Joel wouldn’t think I didn’t love him anymore. I prayed, hoping he could hear me in heaven.

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Bruises Not Scratches (Niki Discovers Something Unsettling)

Chapter 58

“Raquel, it was absolute mayhem. The little dog took off down the hall after the bunny, and then the charge nurse called Security to help round them up. Of course, Security didn’t have any idea of what to do. Eventually, two officers cornered the animals, grabbed Rocket, and the pet therapist gathered up the bunny, but not before the blind kid, Travis, somehow felt his way to the fire alarm, and pulled it. The sprinkler system went off, and the fire department arrived. No, I didn’t leave early. After we settled everyone down, finished the shift, and gave report, it was 9 pm before I finally I got home, and reheated for dinner the lunch I didn’t get to eat. I’m ready for a second glass of wine, are you?”

This story was just to good not to call my sister Raquel and tell her about it over wine by phone.

* * *

I had a couple of days off before my next shift. Like I said before, day shift is challenging in its own ways.

“Niki, the phone’s for you.”

I take the call from the pod outside my patient’s room. It’s Finch, one of the day shift pharmacists.

“About that Ancef dose your resident ordered,” he begins.

I block, “He’s not my resident. He belongs to the attending,”

“Well, whoever he belongs to, he’s placed an order in the EMR for Ancef.”

“Yeah.”

There’s not enough Ancef in all the hospitals in the city to cover the dose. You need to call him and point out that the kiddo only weighs 10 kgs.”

“Finch, the RT is here and we’re about the re-tape his ET tube. Can you call and get the order changed, please? You can educate him about placing orders while you do it.”

“That’s not really a function of pharmacy, Niki.”

“It’s not a nursing function either, Finch. Why does everything get turfed to nursing? Health care is a team sport, no?”

I interpret the the silence on the other end of the phone to mean he’s strategizing an offense.

“Alright, Niki, I’ll do it this time.”

“Thanks Finch, you’re a real gem.”

“Phfffp,” he mutters before hanging up.

* * *

At change of shift, I give report to my old night shift buddy, Liz, first telling her about the patient, and then Finch’s one-liner that the resident ordered more Ancef than what’s available in the city that was pretty hilarious, when I notice the bruises on her neck, three of them. They’re long and suspiciously resemble fingers. I can’t help myself, “Liz, what’s up with the marks on your neck. They look like bruises. What happened?”

Her gaze drops downward, and she turns her head the other direction attempting to hide the bruises, but not before I see her cheeks flush bright red.

“It’s nothing, Niki. I scratched myself.”

She’s lying.

“Liz, those aren’t scratches, they’re bruises. It’s me, Niki. We’re friends, remember? What happened?”

“I’m having problems with Nathan. He’s skipping school and failing his classes. He got suspended for smoking pot on campus. I called his dad, hoping he could talk some sense into him.”

“Frank, you’re ex did this to you?”

“I thought he could help, but when he came over to talk to Nathan he starting hitting him. I got between them. When I started yelling at Frank to leave, things got out of control.”

“He choked you? Oh my god, are you okay? Have you seen a doctor? Did you call the cops?”

“This is exactly why I didn’t want to tell you Niki. I knew you would overreact.”

“Overreact? Jeez, Frank was strangling you! He should be in jail.”

“Mind your own business, Niki. I appreciate your concern, but mind your own business,” was all Liz said as she stood up and entered her patient’s room.

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You Can’t Make This Stuff Up (Niki’s easy shift )

Chapter 57

One of my two post-open heart patients has discharge orders. The better part of an hour is spent reviewing the discharge instructions with her parents, and observing them practice drawing up the right amount of each of the liquid home medications using syringes and a cup of water. This demonstrates they understand the difference between dose and volume, because too much digoxin or potassium can stop a child’s heart; not enough won’t do the job. I never get over the fact that we send parents home with newly taught skills that took weeks for me to master in nursing school. Most of them do just fine, but still…

Later, I’m helping Travis gather his things, because he’s discharging home too. When it’s time to remove his IV, I begin by carefully taking down the tape holding it secure.

“Just rip it off, Niki, okay? I want to get out of here sometime today.” He’s laughing at me, and I’m reminded again of how resilient kids are. It makes working with them so rewarding.

“Okay Boss, you got it.” I ripped off the first piece.

“Ouch! Shit! Leave some skin on my arm, would ya?”

“Okay, I’m going to get some adhesive remover. I’ll be right back.”

As I turn to leave the room, I see the animal therapy volunteer standing in the doorway. A medium sized brown rabbit is cradled in his arms.

The kid in the other bed has his little dog in his lap, and I know what will happen an instant before it does: Rocket catapults from the boy’s arms in a perfect arc, his forelegs stretched in front of him, his hind legs straight out behind. He touches down momentarily at the feet of the animal handler, bounces once, and then vertically leaps upwards nipping the rabbit’s backside. The rabbit launches from the arms of his handler, and they’re off. The animal therapist chases after, and Rocket’s boy starts screaming for him from his bed. Travis laughs, and Reege continues to lie placidly on the floor by his bed.

I run to the hallway, where Rocket is chasing the rabbit around and around the nurses’ station, until the rabbit leaps onto the desk before making a break down the hallway with Rocket in pursuit. In the other patient rooms, parents alarmed by the commotion, carry their children to the doorways to find out what’s happening. Several nurses chase the animals down the hallway, trying to catch them.

You can’t make this stuff up. There goes my quiet shift.

 

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How to Sabotage a Shift (Niki Meets a Service Dog)

Chapter 56

Never, ever think your shift is easy and you may go home early. It’s the quickest way to sabotage it.

The shift started well enough. I did vitals and passed meds for the two post-open heart patients first. They each have private rooms, and I chatted a bit with their respective parents. Transferring their children from the PICU to the general floor makes some parents uneasy, even though they understand it means their child is getting well. In the PICU, they become used to their child receiving one-on-one nursing care. They become accustomed to the vigilance of a nurse dedicated to the care of only their child. On the pediatric unit, the nurses are assigned three or four patients plus their child. The parents are now required to practice vigilance for their previously critically ill child’s care. Understandably, some are more comfortable than others. My patients’ parents recognize me from the PICU. A familiar face eases their minds. Our rapport encourages my belief it will be an easy shift.

My third patient shares his room with another.

During report the night shift nurse said, “Niki, your patient, Travis, is a delight, you’ll love him. Unfortunately, his roommate is a bit of a handful, so we assigned him to another nurse. He saw Travis’ seeing eye dog, Reege, and insisted his parents bring his dog to stay with him. They brought him in last night, claiming it’s a service dog too. Fortunately, Travis’ dog is a professional, and ignores the little dog’s aggressive behavior towards him.”

“Well, if Travis and Reege can ignore the other dog, I guess I can too.”

 

“Hi Travis, my name’s Niki. Is this beautiful dog is your partner, Reege?”

“Hi Niki, I need to go to the bathroom. Can you put the IV pole where I can reach it please?”

“Sure. Do you need help?”

“Nope.”

I watch Travis handle the IV pole, and grip Reege’s harness with his other hand. Reege, a golden retriever, pads along silently, leading Travis the to the bathroom. Travis seems steady enough, but his fall risk makes me nervous, so I wait for them in the room.

On the return trip I try again, “Is it okay if I take the IV pole for you?”

“Sure.”

After Travis is back in bed and Reege settled at his bedside, I take his vitals.

“Travis, are you hungry or is your stomach still bothering you? The breakfast trays should arrive soon.”

“I’m hungry. Do you guys have bacon?”

“Of course, but if there’s no bacon on your tray, I’ll call down to the kitchen and get you some.”

“Thanks!”

As if on cue, the meal cart arrives, and I find Travis’ tray. Lucky me! There’s bacon.

I place the tray on his table, adjusting the bed and utensils so they’re within reach. Travis tells me he’s right-handed.

“You’ve done this before, I see.”

“Yeah, a few times,” he grins. Would you tell me what’s on the plate, and its place on the face of a clock?”

“Sure. Anything else? Do you want me to butter the toast or cut anything for you?”

“Nope, I got it. Thanks.”

“Hey Nurse. Hey!” It’s the kid in the other bed. He’s got his dog, a nondescript terrier mix, in his lap.

“Hi. Do you need something?’

“Yeah, can you get some bacon for Rocket?”

“Sure. I’ll make a call to the kitchen.”

When I near his bed, Rocket growls at me.

“Do you want to pet him?”

“Does he bite? I thought strangers shouldn’t pet service dogs.”

“People just say that because they think their dog is more special than Rocket.” The kid glares at Travis, who flips him off. I try not to laugh.

“He only bites if he doesn’t like you. If you give him some bacon, I’m pretty sure he won’t bite.”

“Um, okay. I’ll order the bacon and let your nurse know.”

I leave their call lights within reach, bed rails up, and take breakfast trays to my other two patients. After they’re done, I help their mothers with bathing and dressing them.

One of the perks of day shift is the café is open. There’s time to go downstairs and bring a latte back to the unit. I get in line. There are two police officers ahead of me.

One of them is Officer Mike.

“Hey, Nurse Niki. What are you doing, getting a latte before heading home? I thought night shift prefers beer for breakfast.”

How the hell does he know that?

“Well Officer Mike, how nice to run into you again. No more nights for this nurse. I’ve transferred to day shift.”

“Congratulations. Welcome to the land of the living Niki. See you around.”

Mike and his partner take their coffees from the counter.

Did he just look my way again before walking away?

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I Hate This, All of It (Maddie Talks to Niki)

Chapter 51

“Maddie, open the door.”

“Go away!”

“Maddie, I know you’re upset, but we need to talk.”

“I don’t want to talk. I hate you! And Amber, and Dad too!”

“Maddie, I’ve heard Amber’s side of the story, now I want to hear yours. Please open the door and talk to me. 
”

I stand at Maddie’s bedroom door not hearing a sound. I’m about to knock again when I hear footsteps. The door opens revealing Maddie’s face, reddened and damp with tears.

“Can I come in?” I ask.

Wordlessly, Maddie steps away from the door, allowing me entrance. We face each other awkwardly before I give her a hug.

“So what’s going on? Amber says you’ve been picking on Wade. I thought you loved having a little brother.”

Maddie remains silent.

“I have to admit picking out all the marshmallows from the box of cereal was clever.”

Maddie cracks a smile, and we both start laughing. “You should’ve seen his face, Mom. He kept turning the cereal box upside down and shaking it, looking for the marshmallows.”

Still laughing, I work the conversation. “It is funny, but was it still funny after Wade found out you tricked him?”

Maddie stopped laughing. Her eyes squinted at the memory. “He made a face at me, and then ran into his room.”

“How did that make you feel?”

“Kind of bad. He used to look up to me. He trusted me.”

Putting my arm around Maddie’s shoulders, I guided her to her unmade bed where we sat down. “What’s this all about Maddie? What’s bothering you?”

“Ever since you and Dad got divorced, my life has changed.”

“The divorce changed all of our lives Maddie. It isn’t easy for any of us.”

“Yeah, but you and Dad got to choose. Nobody asked me what I wanted. Now Dad’s married to Amber, and she expects me to do all kinds of stuff around the house, like keeping track of Wade while her and Dad spend time together. At first I thought Amber thought I was grown up, but now I know she just wants me to stop being a kid and take care of things for her. I didn’t sign up for that. I’m still a kid.”

“I’m sorry Maddie. I didn’t know this was happening. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because you’re always at work. If you’re not at work, you’re sitting around drinking tea and listening to music. I don’t think you want to hear about Dad and Amber anyway. I feel like I have to pick. And you know what, it’s not easy always having to pack my stuff back and forth between your house and theirs. Sometimes I forget my homework at the wrong house, and I get in trouble for it at school. I hate this, all of it.”

How did I not know how hard this has been for Maddie? I’ve been way too distracted with my life, and it’s hurt my daughter. I need to get my priorities straight.

“Maddie, I’m sorry. I didn’t know you felt this way. I’m glad you told me. I see I need to make some changes around here. I’m going to make things better for you, I promise.”

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Pink Hearts, Yellow Moons & Green Clovers (Maddie Acts Out)

Chapter 50

Simon and Amber were married. The baby is due soon. Maddie is silent regarding updates about the birth, however. Shortly after the wedding, she stopped talking about home life with her father. I know something’s brewing.

Kris married Spider Rodrigo, and left the PICU to tour with Kushion. Her day shift position is open. I wonder if I should take it? I’d miss my friends on night shift, and I don’t know if I want to deal with the doctors, phone calls and busy-ness of day shift. The idea of a normal sleep cycle is appealing.

*  *  *

I’m finishing the housework, and thinking about dinner when Simon’s car pulls into the driveway. Before he can set the parking brake, Maddie ejects herself from the passenger seat, leaving the car door open. She’s obviously upset as she bursts through the front door. Simultaneously, the phone rings. Maddie yells, “I don’t want to talk to her! Tell her I don’t want to talk about it!” while running into her room, and slamming the door behind her.

I put down the vacuum cleaner and pick up the ringing phone. From the living room window I watch Simon back out of the driveway and drive away.

Hmmm.

“Hello?”

“Niki, it’s Amber. Put Maddie on. I want to talk to her.”

Hmmm.

“Amber, hi. Maddie, uh, doesn’t want to talk to you right now. She’s pretty upset. What happened?”

“I want to talk to Maddie.”

“That’s not going to happen Amber. Tell me what happened.”

“Your daughter is bullying Wade.”

Your daughter? Hmmm.

“I’m surprised to hear that. Maddie thinks the world of Wade. She calls him her little brother.”

“Well things have changed since Simon and I got married. Maddie’s become a stranger. She won’t talk about the new baby, and she’s picking on Wade. This last time is too much.”

“What did she do?”

“Two things, really. First, last night at dinner while Simon and I are talking, Wade throws up milk all over the table. I took him to the bathroom to clean him up and take his temperature, and he tells me he drank an entire quart of milk in one sitting. I asked him why. He said Maddie made him do it.”

“How did Maddie make him drink an entire quart of milk at the dinner table in front of you and Simon without your knowing it?”

I’m starting to wonder about Amber. And Simon.

“Well, I asked Maddie that. She said she dared him to do it, one glass of milk at a time.”

“What?”

“She pretended she was racing him. She poured herself the last glass of milk from another carton, and then poured Wade a glass from a fresh carton. She dared him to finish his glass of milk before she finished hers. So he did. Then Maddie told him, “I bet you can’t do it again,” so he did it again, and again, until he drank the entire quart. Then he threw up.”

I composed myself to keep from laughing. “Amber, I’m sorry. How old is Wade again?”

“He just turned five.”

“Well, he’s no rocket scientist,” I think to myself, but of course, that doesn’t excuse Maddie torturing the boy.

“What else did Maddie do to Wade?”

“This afternoon she took a brand new box of Lucky Charms cereal, emptied it, and picked out every last marshmallow charm, all the pink hearts, yellow moons, and green clovers. She ate them, and then put the oat cereal back in the box, and sealed it again. When Wade came home he wanted a bowl of cereal and cried because there were no marshmallow charms. Maddie told him the cereal company was to blame. She helped him write a letter to complain. I found out when he asked me to mail the letter. Maddie has to stop picking on Wade.”

Now I’m thinking my daughter is a comedic genius, but I’m going to have to teach her to use her power for good and not evil.

“Amber, I see why you’re upset, but isn’t this just normal sibling behavior? Maddie’s been through a lot of changes lately. Maybe she’s regressed a little bit.”

“I won’t have this behavior in my home! Your daughter is a bully. No wonder Simon left you.”

Okay, she’s pregnant. Allow the woman some slack.

“Look Amber, I’ll talk to Maddie. For all of our sakes though I think it’s best if you leave Simon’s and my marriage out of this.”

“Do something about your daughter!”

I’m left holding the phone after Amber slams hers down on the other end of the line.

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At The Raleigh (Niki & Gerald Go Out for Drinks)

Chapter 49

In an upscale restaurant overlooking Santa Monica Bay, I’m standing behind a long table. Every seat is filled with PICU nurses, and staff from other departments celebrating Kris’s bridal shower. Above the chatter and laughter, Kris holds up a scanty piece of lacy lingerie, a gift inciting a round of cell phone photos from the group.

Gerald sidled next to me, “Hey girlfriend, you’ve been working that same drink for an hour. Can I bring you something fresh?”

I smile at his thoughtfulness, “No thanks, this is fine.”

“How are you holding up, Niki? I’m worried about you.”

“Huh? I’m fine. Why are you worried about me?”

“I’m thinking how you might feel: Kris is getting married, your ex-husband is getting married. And Corey moved to Seattle with his family. You know.”

I didn’t know Gerald knew.

“You knew about me and Corey?”

“It was pretty obvious, especially when our group beer breakfasts ended.”

“I’m sorry Gerald. I haven’t been a very good friend lately, especially to you and Liz. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry Niki. I’m thinking you’re the one who needs friends now.”

Liz joins us. She’s carrying her purse.

“Leave it to Kris to live large,” remarks Liz. “I wish I was as fearless about life.”

“Why do you assume that quitting your job, and marrying a rock star to take care of his mother on tour is a risk?” asks Gerald.

The three of us pause to think about it, and then bust out laughing.

“So Niki, when’s Simon getting remarried?” asks Liz.

“Next week.”

“How are you doing? Does it feel weird?”

“A little. Maddie’s so excited about it. Amber took her shopping for a dress, and I realized she has a stepmother now. I’m trying to see it as a positive, you know, like another adult caring about my daughter’s welfare, but sometimes I think  Maddie’s comparing us.”

“You’ll always be her mother, Niki. Nothing will ever change that,” says Liz.

“I know.”

Someone pops a bottle of champagne, while Kris cuts pieces of cake passed around to the guests. A server brings the check. I notice Dr. Polk takes it and places his credit card into the leatherette folder without looking over the bill.

“You leaving Liz?”

“Yeah. I gotta get home, and check Nathan.”

“I was just telling Niki that the three of us should go out this weekend. Have drinks, some fun, and get our group back together. Are you in Liz?”

“I’d love too, but Nathan’s grounded, which means I am too. He’s been in some trouble lately, so I’m staying close to home.”

“I’m sorry to hear that. Anything I can do to help?”

“No,” says Liz, “but thanks for offering.”

“Well Niki, it looks like it’s you and me. Do you like cabaret?”

“I don’t know.”

“Meet me at the Raleigh on Saturday night, and let’s find out. Prepare for a good time.”

* * *

At the Raleigh, I hand my car key to a valet, grateful I don’t have to search for parking. Gerald’s at the club’s entrance, wearing a black v-necked tee, designer jeans, a grey sports jacket slung over one shoulder. His hair and light beard are neatly groomed. He smells nice when I hug him. I’m glad I decided to wear a little black dress, and pumps.

“Gerald, you clean up real nice!” I kissed his cheek.

“You too darling. I don’t know how toned your legs are when I only see you in scrubs. Love the heels.”

Gerald holds the door, and then takes me by the elbow, guiding us to a small table near the stage. A server in black slacks, and bow tie, but otherwise shirtless, instantly sets a scotch rocks in front of Gerald, and then waits for my order. “I’ll have a gin and tonic please.”

“Put it on my tab,” says Gerald, handing the server a bill, which he tucks into the waistband of his pants before walking away.

“I’ve never been to a male strip club,” I admit. “Or a female strip club either, for that matter”

“There’s a first time for everything,” laughs Gerald. “I think you’re going to have fun.”

Looking around, I agree. The dimly lit lounge is spacious. Couples and foursomes of men and women occupy the small tables surrounding the stage. Beyond the tables the bar is bustling and a small wooden dance floor already teems with people dancing to the heavy beat of music. Others stand around with drinks in hand, talking. In the far back a large group of women appear to be celebrating a birthday: gift wrapped packages and bottles of wine in velvet bags are piled in front of one of them.

The server returns with my drink, and places a small plate of cheeses, sliced meats, and bruschetta on the table. I notice there’s glitter on his chest.

“On the house,” he says.

“Tell Rubio, thanks,” instructs Gerald.

“You know the owner?”

“Yes. That’s how we scored a reservation for this table.”

“Very cool.”

The rest of the evening is almost a blur. The entertainers performed individually and then in groups. Our server keeps bringing us drinks. Buzzed, Gerald points out that if I look towards the stage through the bottom of his empty glass, “Things will appear larger.”

Laughing and nearly as buzzed, I wonder out loud, “What does it mean if you and I find the same dancers attractive, Gerald?”

“Does it matter?”

“No, it doesn’t matter at all.”

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Rashes & Fevers (measles admission)

Chapter 47

Once I clock in, there isn’t time to contemplate Kris’s engagement, Simon’s remarriage, Amber’s pregnancy, or Corey’s move to Seattle with his family. As charge nurse, I took the call from an ER nurse requesting three beds for immediate admissions.

“Three beds? What’s happening down there? Was there a bus accident?”

“No, but maybe as bad. We’ve got three kids from two different families with fevers and red rashes. It’s measles. We’re coding a three year-old now”

Ten minutes later the ER nurse calls back with an update, “The three year-old’s stabilized, but maybe not for long. He’s intubated. We’re transferring him to you guys now. We’ll get back to you about the other two.”

While Gerald sets up a ventilator for the three year-old, Liz helps me take vital signs, and change the IV fluids to our pumps. “I really hate seeing a child suffer when this could be prevented by immunization,” she comments. “Why have so many parents lost trust in science and medicine? If you mention vaccinations to some, they react like you want to poison their child.”

“I think measles, pertussis, and polio decreased so much from recent memory that today’s parents don’t believe there’s a threat. I’ve heard some say, ‘Gosh, what’s the big deal about a fever and rash?’ or, ‘We have antibiotics now, so these diseases aren’t as serious as they were in the old days.’ ”

“Yeah, everyone thinks childhood diseases are a thing from Little House on The Prairie,” added Liz.

“Yeah, well measles killed a daughter of Roald Dahl, author of Charlie and The Chocolate Factory in the sixties, before the vaccination was readily available,” I agree.

Once Gerald finishes setting up the ventilator, he joins the conversation, “I remember the first kid with measles I saw in the PICU. That time, the ER nurse reported they had a kid with a high fever, and unidentified red rash. No one knew what it was. So we wore respiratory masks, and isolation gowns, which was a good thing after infectious disease diagnosed measles. None of us had ever seen it.”

” I was sure grateful the hospital makes us have updated MMR immunizations. It’s supposed to protect the patients, but they protect us too,” said Liz.

A fever and rash don’t sound particularly lethal, but what is often not remembered is that measles is a virus, so antibiotics are not effective, although they are used to treat secondary pneumonia or infection.  High fevers can cause febrile seizures, and encephalopathy, which may result in deafness or permanent brain damage. That’s what happened to the child with the first case of measles I saw. Previously a healthy third-grader, she has permanent brain damage and lives in a home for medically fragile children.

“No one knows better than PICU nurses the dangers of childhood,” I added. “Kids die from so many causes: Motor vehicle accidents, drowning, falling out of upper storey windows, SIDS, choking, cancer, school shootings, heart defects and illness. The list is practically endless. If medical science can shorten it through vaccination, I’m for it. My kid is vaccinated.”

“So’s mine,” says Liz.

* * *

Report on the newly admitted three year-old with measles goes like this: The outbreak started when one of the kids was exposed at his pediatrician’s office.

“Wow,” says Liz, “The kid catches measles from another kid in a doctor’s office. Go figure.”

“Yep, and he exposed the neighbor’s kids: Four kids from one exposure. What if there were infants too young to be immunized in that waiting room?”

By the end of the shift, the remaining two children have cases mild enough to be admitted to isolation rooms on the regular pediatrics unit. They’ll be treated with IV fluids, and comfort measures. If their conditions improve, they’ll go home in a few days. If they worsen, they will be admitted to the PICU.

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Moving On (more changes)

Chapter 46

Taking Maddie and Kaylee out for dinner distracts me from the sadness of saying good-bye to Corey in the mall. We watch movies in the family room until I’m too tired to stay awake. In bed, alone in darkness, I listen to their laughter until sleep overtakes me.

The next morning I deep clean the house in a burst of energy. When every surface is scrubbed clean and polished, I start on the closets, pulling out their contents and filling boxes with items for donation. Having stayed up into the wee hours of the morning, the girls are asleep, curled in sleeping bags in the family room, only their is hair visible from the fabric cocoons. Though I pass them several times while loading the boxes of used household items into the car, they remain asleep. I drive the boxes of old clothes, flower vases, and linens to a parking lot donation site, where a volunteer asks me the estimated value of the goods, for the receipt. I struggle to come up with a dollar price for items I’ve already deemed disposable.

At the nearby big-box store, I buy three baskets of fuchsias, and hang them from the porch rail at home. The anticipation of hummingbirds feeding from them while I watch through the window, drinking coffee, tea, or a glass of wine makes me happy.

“Moving on,” I tell myself.

* * *

The next day is Monday. After dropping Maddie off at school, I finish drinking coffee at home, and then go for a run, weaving and bobbing between roller bladers, bicyclists, and people walking their dogs along The Strand. The morning low clouds usually clinging to the coast are gone, and sunspots glitter on the surface of the sea. Mothers with young children arrive, making a patchwork quilt of the sandy beach with their blankets and coolers.  It’s a beautiful day.

Before school lets out, Maddie texts:

DAD PICKING ME UP WILL BRING ME HOME L8R

Around 7:30, Simon’s car pulls into my driveway, and Maddie pops out. She slams the car door shut before running into the house, laughing and smiling. She gives me a hug, and then blurts out, “Mom, guess who’s getting married?”

I knew this was coming.

“Your Dad and Amber?”

“Yes! I’m so excited! I get to be a bride’s maid. Amber says I’m too grown up to be a flower girl, and she wants us to be really, really good friends!”

“Well, that’s wonderful Maddie. I’m sure they’ll be really happy. When are they getting married?”

“In six weeks. Guess what else?”

“What?”

“Amber’s pregnant. I’m going to have a new brother or sister!”

* * *

The next night I wear the new scrubs, clogs, and lipstick I bought at the mall. Once again there’s a cake in the PICU. This one has Congratulations Kris! scrawled across its top in blue icing. Kris stands in the middle of the room with her left hand extended. The diamond is so big and sparkly I can see it from the door.

“Congratulations Kris! You and Jon the bass player decided to get married?”

“Niki, where have you been? Liz laughs. “She’s not marrying Jon the bass player.”

“That was so four months ago, says Kris. I’m marrying Spider Rodrigo.”

“The lead singer of Kushion? That Spider Rodrigo? What happened to the rock band rehearsing in your garage, and that guy you were living with?”

“That was Kushion.”

“But they’re huge! How did I not know Kushion rehearses in your garage, and you’re marrying Spider Rodrigo?” I blush, realizing how I sound.

Kris just looks at me.

Liz intervenes, “You’ve been a little self-absorbed lately Niki. You’ve had a lot going on.”

I try to recover. “I’m sorry Kris. Really, I’m very happy for you. Congratulations!” I give her a hug to prove it.

“Thanks Niki. That’s not all. Kushion is touring to promote their debut album, and I’m going with them. Spider’s mother is a diabetic. He won’t leave her. I’m going to keep track of her blood sugars, and be her companion. I’ll be the tour’s nurse.”

“Congratulations, Kris,”

I mean it. I really do.

Posted on by jparadisirn

Your Problem Arises (Niki Confronts Corey)

Chapter 45

As soon as I realize I’ve bumped into Corey, I turn to run back into the women’s restroom, but he caught me by the shoulders before I reached sanctuary.

“Let go!” I hiss.

A woman shoulders past us, looks back, but determines I’m not in danger so she keeps going.

“Niki, will you just wait a minute, and hear me out?”

“I don’t have anything to say, Corey.”

“Don’t be like that. This isn’t only about you. It’s about us, and I have things to say to you.”

I turn towards him, and he releases me.

“What do you have to tell me?”

“Okay then, um, first, I want to apologize Niki. I never thought about something happening to Sheila; that maybe I wouldn’t be the one leaving first. I mean, we have our problems, but I never wanted anything bad to happen to her.”

With an intentional look of annoyance, I interrupt him. “Corey, we already went through all of this. I get it. You’re not leaving Sheila. Go away, and leave me alone!”

“That’s what I’m trying to tell you Niki. I can’t leave you alone. I love you.”

“Right, you love me, but you can’t leave Sheila. Corey, your problem arises from between your legs.” I turned to escape down the hall, but Corey’s retort stopped me.

“Yeah, but what do you really think of me, Niki?”

Leave it to an ER nurse to know how to diffuse a tense public moment.

I laugh despite myself, and softly reply, “I really think I’m going to miss you, Corey.”

“I know. I miss you terribly, and that’s why we’re leaving.”

“Leaving? Where?”

“Seattle. You know, Sheila’s from there. She’s stayed in touch with her boss in the realty office. He’s offered her a job. The housing market has improved, and he needs someone. She’s nearly done with chemotherapy, and he said she could pick her own hours until she’s fully recovered. Her oncologist referred her to someone else; Seattle has a renowned cancer center.

Having cancer made Sheila see my skills are important, and how much she needed me to navigate the health care system for her. Now she understands that nursing is complex and an important job. She understands that she can’t expect me to carry everything on my shoulders. She’s ready to become a full partner in our marriage.”

I’m feeling annoyed again. “Well isn’t that special. What about you, Corey?”

“There’s more Niki. Remember I told you I applied to NP programs? Well, I was accepted to a program in Seattle. Sheila and I have a long way to go to make things right between us, but I owe it to her and our children to try. We don’t have the connection that you and I have Niki. You and me, we’re the same. So moving is a good idea. I’m too tempted by you.”

“What am I supposed to say, Corey?”

“Good luck?” He reaches out tentatively for a handshake.

I hesitate, staring at his hand. A flood of memories engulfs me. I reach out, pulling him into a tender hug. He lightly kisses my forehead.

“Good luck.”

“Thank you, Niki.”

Releasing me, Corey turns, and I watch him walk down the hallway to the food court and his family without looking back.